Tuesday, June 28, 2011

More craziness

Life in this house is never dull, that's for sure! Fighting with the family, financial stress, and Lee's school driving me nuts. I'm so frustrated all day and feeling so helpless, then right now, at 2am, I get to crawl in bed and cuddle with my middle angel. He played so hard today, then came home to a tickle match with Daddy. He was worn out! Now if I could get the school to answer the phone and help me tomorrow, it will be a good day. Tuition has been paid and there is still $6k I km grants and scholarships that hasn't been touched. We need that money! But nobody can tell me if and how we can access it. Pretty annoying. I'm so ready for a stay income! Still no job leads, no interviews, and no hope. I can't wait to get to a place where we can support our own family. But for now, we are depending on help from every angle. At least my kids are taken care of. I know, no matter what, they always have what they need.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Wanting a baby....

I'm sitting here on the couch, watching 19 Kids and Counting. And every time they show a baby or delivery, my baby fever goes wild. I miss my angels being little babies. It makes me want another baby. I miss all those precious times with a sleeping baby in my arms, the constant cuddling and the easy feedings. Those don't require a bath after every meal and sweeping crumbs of the floor. I want another one. As I say this, it is 10:30pm and both babies are still wide awake and quite loud. Yet I want another one. Another little mama's boy. Beautiful is getting too big. I need another mama's boy for me to spoil. But for now, I need to tend to the ones I have.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Life is Insane!

It's been so long since I've updated, life has just run over me lately. I'm not even sure where to start.

Austin. We shall start with him. We decided it was best that he spend some time with his family in Hawaii. He left June 1st, and will not return until mid October. He has a new baby brother down there, as well as another younger brother, an older sister and a new baby cousin he's never met. We want him to be connected to his family, and to know he is loved by so many people, and I think going down there is the best thing for him right now. He'd been having more behavior issues and was just getting out of control. He'd been seeing a child psychologist, but wasn't making any progress. He'll be seeing a new psychologist while in Hawaii, hopefully a better trained one, and we're praying for great improvements! He's called crying several times, and has asked when we'll be picking him up, and it just rips my heart in two. His good days there outweigh the bad days, but it's hard to hear your child upset and asking for Mommy when he's over 4,000 miles away. I've cried over it everyday. I just hope he knows how much we love him, this is not a punishment, and it's what's best for him right now.

Then of course, there are my babies here at home. For once, I am happy to report they are both healthy! This is an amazing accomplishment! Beautiful is talking more everyday and never fails to make me laugh. While playing at my parents' house, he ran over my dad's foot with his truck. My dad, unharmed, exclaims "Ow!!" expecting an apology, or at the very least a kiss. Beautiful stands up and yells out "Oh, get over it, Papa John!" My dad was not amused, the rest of the room burst into laughter. Chloe Beth is still not talking, at least not in English. She says "dad-dy" all day long, and babbles away, but doesn't say much you can understand. Occasionally she will tell her brother "NO!" And she's starting to say "Chlo-Chlo", usually meaning 'that's Chloe's, don't touch'. Beyond that is purely guesswork. She squeals and giggles and screams to get her way. She is already so spoiled. She knows she's the baby, and the only girl, and will pretty much get everything her little heart desires. She has her daddy wrapped around her little finger.
I am also happy to report they are both currently rash free! Since it is summer time, and so very hot, they do get heat rash and red blotches on their legs, but certainly nothing like before. :)

And of course, there's Lee and I. With financial struggles, sick kids, and school stress, our marriage has been rocky. We are trying to work through it together, but we still have our bad days. Austin leaving certainly didn't help, but since we both understand the other's pain, it's a little bit easier to cope. We're both struggling with depression, and I've started talking to a therapist to help. Right now, we're all each other has and we are clinging on to this marriage for dear life. He seems to be handling everything much better than I am. Every day is a struggle for me. I feel physically worn down. My weight is all over the place, I have no motivation to get up or do anything, and I'm spending more and more time in bed. Luckily, the babies are perfectly content to pile in my bed every morning and read books or play a game. Now that we aren't rushing to get to school on time, we can have lazy summer days. We lay in bed and read while we all wake up, then enjoy a big breakfast, play for a while, then lunch and nap time. They are doing very well on this schedule. They happily sleep until 7 each day, instead of being woken up to get dressed and out the door. They eat a better breakfast, play more and cry less. This makes us ALL much happier! Nap time is much easier, too. After lunch we read some more then all go lay down. Chloe goes right to sleep, Beautiful insists on a few more stories. I'm happy to oblige. :) They are my little rainbows at the end of a daily storm. They can always make me smile again. And they just love to give kisses! I get kissed every five minutes, and they are the most perfect kisses. Beautiful with his gentle peck, and Chloe Beth with her slobber-filled whole-face kisses. I couldn't get through the day without my angels.