New Ways of Torture

My kids have always been very creative in finding new ways to torture me, but this week they stepped up their game.
Beautiful has been eating my chapstick. He loves the stuff! I keep it on my night stand to use before bed, so when he crawls in bed at night he sneaks the little tube and has himself a snack. I've gone through four tubes of Blistex this week. I can't imagine it tastes good, yet the constant teeth marks prove he loves the stuff!

Then there's Austin. Oh dear. He has been extremely sneaky lately. While cleaning out some stuff in the closet upstairs, I discovered 2 cases worth of soda cans. He's been sneaking them from the fridge, hiding away in his room to chug them down, then quickly stashing the cans in the back of the closet. No wonder he's been so hyper lately! But it does make me wonder when he's managing to sneak the cans. We're in the living room most of the day, so he can't sneak into the kitchen without me noticing. So he's either timing my bathroom trips perfectly, or coming downstairs between 2 and 5am, the only time both Lee and I are in bed, and helping himself to the fridge. It's not that he's thirsty. He has his own cup which he can get water in at any time. He just wants the sodas he knows he's not allowed to have.
Then last night I discovered the best surprise ever at the worst possible time. He had gone into the bathroom at some point, and unwrapped every single one of my tampons, pushing them out of the applicator. Perfect. now they are completely unusable, unsterilized, and useless to me. Aside from the fact that it was a brand new box, and those things aren't cheap, what the heck was I supposed to do?! And WHY? WHY would you feel the need to do that? WHEN did you have time to do all this? I don't watch him go to the bathroom, and I certainly don't time him. If he's taking a while, I just assume he's taking care of business. If he needs me, he can yell for me. I tend not to interfere. But maybe I should.
Then Lee discovered his new, family size bottle of Head and Shoulders shampoo was empty. I don't use the stuff, and the babies are never unattended in the bathroom...so that only leaves Austin. He's been using it as bubble bath! Which seems fruitless, as it doesn't really bubble- probably why he used the whole bottle. For the most part, he's not alone in the tub. I get the babies out, put him in the tub while I put them in bed, then it's back to him. So in that five minute window he manages to drain an entire bottle of shampoo. Lovely. Another $10 down the drain.
Oh, but he didn't stop there! He found my hair dye. Which had to be quite a feat for him. It stays in a cabinet, top shelf, above the toilet. So he had to stand on the toilet and rifle through the cabinet to find the box, buried way in the back (my roots can vouch for this fact)then open all of it. Again, WHY?! So now we've gone from annoying and inconvenient, to possible dangerous. What if he had gotten the dye in his eyes or drank some? I would assume that my child would not drink hair dye, but I'd also assume he wouldn't play with my tampons. And just like everything else, he shoved all the contents back into the box, placed it back on the shelf and pretended nothing ever happened. Another $20 out the window. So in a few days, and a few short bathroom trips, he's wasted $40 and caused more gray hair- which I now can't cover up. The joys of motherhood. And we have no idea how to fix this problem. I think it would be a violation of privacy to stand there and watch him every time he has to go, but I can't let him continue to play with chemicals. We use mostly homemade cleaners and the few store bought things are organic. I don't like chemicals in the house. But hair dye is full of them, and I'm not willing to give that up yet. 22 year olds shouldn't have gray hair, but I do. This is why. I'd like to continue to dye my hair, and not be worried my kids will eat it. Everything has child locks on it, but he's smart enough to work it. He can open all the gates, door knob covers, fridge and cabinet locks, and everything else we've tried. So short of following him around all day and never letting him have a single moment of privacy, there's no way to stop it.
And then there's Chloe Beth. The cutest little girl, with the biggest personality- and the creativity to make me crazy! She will attempt anything, right in front of you, grinning innocently the whole time. As if she looks cute enough you won't mind her stealing your drink, sneaking money from your purse, or pulling all the books off the shelf. She started walking this week. Now I have three mobile terrors. Awesome! She thinks she is the coolest thing ever and can do everything she wants. And should the dreaded "no" be uttered, you can expect her to fall to the ground in a flailing fit. She's learned to roll her eyes. I thought I had a few more cute years out of her. Not so lucky.
I think my kids have a secret meeting once a week, where they share ideas and plot against me. They make the plan that Chloe Beth will need a diaper change at 3:42pm, when Austin will sneak in behind me to grab a soda, Beautiful can rush to the bedroom for his Blistex fix, and everyone be back in place by the time the new diaper is on. This would make sense, as she fights changes to the death, stalling so they have plenty of time to sneak a cookie too. I don't want them to grow up. I want them to stay little. I just want them to be cute AND innocent, not one or the other.

Finding Fluff

I decided, with the help and encouragement of my friends, that I could make a business out of shopping for fluff! I already spend hours browsing sites, finding new styles, trying different things. I recommend so many brands and I'm constantly spamming people with new fluff. Might as well get paid for it! So that's what I did. While I am just starting out and haven't figured out all the details, the process is simple. For $5, I will hunt and search for your perfect diapers! You tell me what you want, colors, budgets, styles, and I give you a list of diapers that I think you'll love! I will be at your service for 24 hours, we can talk about pros and cons of each diaper, and if you're not satisfied we'll work until you are! This should be a good way to feed my addiction and let me shop, while staying on the wagon!

SPAMMING

I would like to take a moment to spam. -------------->
See my box of articles over to the right of your screen? CLICK IT!!!!
I need to get my page views up. There are a few more articles submitted, but waiting to be published, so feel free to check back daily. :) The more views I have, the more I get paid. Link is also in BBC siggy, so you have NO excuse!

Thank you for your time and attention.

Febreeze Me!

Do you remember a few years ago, when everything that came out was "also a camera!"? Everything you got had a camera built in. Cell phones starting advertising mega-pixels. Mp3 players allowed you to take videos. Go to buy an apple, and it has a built in camera to watch you digest it. Everything had a freaking camera in it! It was annoying for a while, but now we just accept that every piece of technology comes with a camera. Web-cams attached, face time for I-phones, video chatting, hell even some cosmetics have cameras so you can check your face without a mirror! Whatever. I like taking pics.
I also like Febreeze. I like it. I'm not in love with it, I don't want to marry it, and I don't want to bathe in it to smell it every second. But apparently, the makers of Febreeze want me to. Everything now comes with Febreeze Freshness. First there was the air freshener. Ok, that makes sense. Then came candles. Not a far leap, some people don't like sprays. Then cleaners. Not bad, who wants to smell bleach? Then they put it in fabric softeners and laundry detergents. Sounds good to me, I douse all my clothes in Febreeze anyway, now this just saves me an extra step. Then came kitty litter with Febreeze. While I appreciate the idea of not wanting to smell kitty litter all day, I doubt anybody is fooled walking by the litter box. Your friends don't go snooping around it, checking for odors. And if it smells than dang bad, CHANGE IT!! Take out the poop! How hard is that?! But last night, as I was mindlessly watching TV at 3am, thumbing through infomercials for my favorites (yes, I have favorites!) I saw a commercial that caught my eye. Trash bags. Glad Force Flex specifically. Trash bags, with the remarkable technology to fit an entire grand piano and not break, thought they needed an improvement. They added Febreeze! Why?? Who is smelling your trash? Is your trash really that bad? Quit throwing away so much food! Wasteful. Take your trash out more often! Laziness. Here's a thought- go to the dollar store and buy a lid for it! Simple. WHY does everything need to come with Febreeze Freshness??? Does it harness some magical power I didn't know about? Do they really think they are SO awesome, they can overcome the smell of rotting food and dirty litter boxes? Well, I'm here to help Febreeze Marketers. I'm going to help you branch out. You know what Febreeze lovers really want? Perfume. We can smell it all day. With accompanying body wash and lotions. And, let's go ahead and make some paint with it too. Not only would you avoid that fresh wet paint odor, you could be greeted by Febreeze Freshness as son as you walk in the door- without have to walk past those creepy motion detecting air freshener discs. I don't like feeling stalked in my own home. It's just unnerving. Let's also make Febreeze toothbrushes and toothpaste. Forget old fashioned mint flavors! That's a sure sign you're trying too hard, that just0brushed-my-teeth-in-case-you-want-to-kiss-me smell is SO last season! Everyone wants to brush with Febreeze. Febreeze Tic Tacs would also be nice. It's like a freshness party in my mouth! My date would never know I brushed for 20 minutes in case he wanted to tongue me later or have a hot make-out session after dinner. It goes with my perfume!
I think the next ridiculous product that should be shoved down your throat and come in everything you buy is a pair of tweezers. Seriously. The people who WANT them can never find a pair when they need them. And the people who truly NEED them, obviously have no clue they exist. The unibrow is completely preventable! There is no longer any excuse for overgrown lip hair and bushy brows. It's gross. You make me want to gouge out my eyes and pour bleach on my retinas when I see your Mr Bean like face. Invest in a mirror. Perhaps you haven't seen yourself in 10 years. That's the only excuse for your furry existence.

And just to show how well my kids eat...

Feeding Babies and Toddlers

When talking with some friends last night, we were discussing our children's eating habits. They are first time moms who just want the best for their little one, and by baby number 3, I had learned a few tricks. So we agreed I would write out a meal plan for them, with ideas and cooking tips to get their munchkins to be as big of a pig as my daughter is. She has no fear, and would dive into a bowl of taco salad if you loosened your grip. But she also has two older brothers to keep up with. For an only child, they may not care as much about what or how they're eating, as long as they have mommy's attention while doing so. So this is my meager attempt to help these moms keep their sanity while battling meal time.

First, consider who you're feeding. Your baby neither needs nor wants fancy sushi. Simple, healthy meals can be easy and fun. The goal is to get baby all the nutrients he/she needs, while encouraging him/her to try new things. Feedings are a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip along the way.

The easiest way to plan meals for my kids is to make a list. I divide foods into categories, then pick one food from each column. How you combine them is only limited by your imagination. NO COOKING SKILLS REQUIRED. I use three basic things to cook: A skillet, a pot, or a microwave-safe bowl. You don't need a fancy baby food maker or food processor. So resist the late night infomercials and save some money! My list is as follows:

Dairy
Milk
Cheese
Cream Cheese
Yogurt
Eggs

Grains
Pasta
Whole Wheat Tortillas
Toast
Oatmeal
Bagels
Pita Bread

Meats
Lean Turkey
Chicken
Beef
Ham
Shrimp
Fish

Fruits
Apples
Bananas
Grapes
Melons
Berries
Peaches

Veggies
Corn
Peas
Carrots
Beans
Potatoes

Sauces and Toppings
Cheeses
Alfredo Sauce
Marinara
Ranch
Ketchup
Garlic Butter
Peanut Butter
Raisins
Soy Sauce

I generally start with the grains list. Am I in the mood for pasta? Craving tacos? Need a meal fast? Let's say I have a hankering for stir-fry. I would pick my pasta. Then onto the meats. I prefer chicken stir-fry. Then I pick out fruits and veggies. I like peppers, carrots, peas, beans, and tomatoes. Then I choose my sauce or topping. Add in a little soy sauce. Maybe sprinkle some garlic powder. Top sprinkled almonds (not for baby, for mommy). And voila! You have an easy dish. Throw it all in the skillet and let it cook while you play peek-a-boo.

Some people can't build a meal on their own, and need clear-cut meal plans. That's fine. Here are some favorite baby/toddler meals at my house:

Tomato and Cheese Pasta
2 ounces of pasta (alphabet soup is fun)
1/2 tsp olive oil
1 large chopped tomato
1/4 cup cheese (like Parmesan or Cheddar)

Directions: Boil pasta, drain, set aside. Heat olive oil on low in sauce pan or skillet. Add tomatoes and cook until soft, about two minutes. Remove from heat, add in cheese and stir until well blended. Pour sauce over pasta and let cool. Add a side of peas or green beans and a glass of milk and your meal is done!

Eggy Bread
1-2 Eggs, beaten (use only yolks if baby can't have egg whites yet)
1 slice whole wheat bread
1/2 tsp canola oil

To make: Beat the eggs in a large bowl. Dip the bread in, coating all sides and absorbing all the egg. Heat the oil in a skillet on medium heat. Place bread in pan and fry both sides,takes about 4-5 minutes. Cut the bread into strips, add a cup of yogurt and some sliced apples. Tip: Plan your meals for the whole day, or at least a general idea. You can cut up one apple in the morning, and serve the slices for breakfast, lunch and snack. Nothing is wasted!

Finger Platter
1/2 sliced apple
celery sticks
carrot sticks (if child has teeth)
shredded chicken or chicken strips
strips of toast or tortilla

Cut food into slices, about 4-5 inches long (so baby's chubby little fingers can get a good grip) Serve a few of each on a plate with 4-5 bowls of sauces. Yogurt, peanut butter, cream cheese, ranch, marinara, hummus- the possibilities are endless! Then just sit back and let them enjoy. Kids have fun dipping and trying new things, mommy has fun watching! Tip: Do this right before a bath, such as dinner or late snack. Kids will get messy!

Other finger food ideas are graham crackers, string cheese (Chloe loves this!), sliced peaches or avocados, bananas and soft fish (like salmon). Let kids enjoy making their own meals.



As for the shopping and having everything ready to go- that's easy! Here's your shopping list:
10 bags of frozen veggies/fruits. Any kind you like- just peas, peas-and-carrots, mixed veggies, broccoli, it's up to you.
10 lbs of meat. Either frozen chicken breast, ground turkey/beef, or a combination of both. Whatever your family likes best.
10 boxes of noodles or pasta. Rotini, ravioli, linguine, spaghetti, pin wheels, alphabet soup, egg white noodles, ramen...there's 100s of possibilities!
10 jars of sauce. Pesto, Alfredo, Marinara, cheese sauce, soy sauce, terryaki sauce- get a variety.
And most importantly- a box of Ziploc bags.

When I get home from the store, I give the kids a snack to keep them occupied while I get to work. I divide everything up. 1lb of meat per bag, 1-2 cups fruits/veggies per bag, 1/2 box of pasta per bag, and just leave the sauces in jars. Pasta can go back in the pantry, everything else in the freezer. Our deep freezer stays stocked so meals are just minutes away. For the fridge, a few packs of plain yogurt, some fresh fruits like apples and bananas, milk, eggs, and cheese. Now you always have a healthy snack on hand! Just pick 1-2 things your child likes to eat, and combine them in new ways.

Anything can be a pizza, taco, casserole, or soup. Pick up a box of Bisquick and you're never more than 20 minutes from a delicious casserole. There are more recipes on the box! We do easy chicken pot pie- mix the dough according to directions, add in chicken and bag of frozen veggies- bake. Easy as...pie! Same with soups. We keep cans of chicken stock or chicken broth, and soups are quick and easy. Running low on ingredients? Throw in everything you have left! You can't go wrong. Chicken, beef, veggies, whatever you like. Let simmer while you set the table, round up the baby and strap him in, and you're good to go!

Meal time shouldn't be stressful, it should be a time for family and conversation. Follow these tips for easy meals and watch for more recipes this week!

Going to the dentist

Since I've been married, I haven't actually made it to the dentist. With no insurance and no money, dental care just wasn't a priority. But I recently started cutting a wisdom tooth, and realized I should probably go. The questions were flying around my head like lightning bugs in a jar. How will I find one? How much would it cost? Can I transfer my dental records from my previous dentist? What if I need surgery? Or a specialist? Can this fit in my work schedule? As the questions mounted and answers remained unknown, I was off to search the internet.
First step was to find a dentist who would take me without insurance. Not an easy task.I Googled every combination I could think of, and still had no answers. But then I came across this website all about dental care at low cost. It seemed like a no brainer. It helps you locate a dentist, offers many dental services such as whitening and specialists, and had affordable payment plans for people like me. They answered all of my questions, and helped me conquer my fears of going to the dentist. Fears of not only the actual visit, but of the bills that would surely follow.
I was starting to get excited about going to the dentist! I could squeeze it in my work schedule, make payments on it, and see a knowledgeable specialist to deal with my combination of false, real and incoming teeth. It was perfect! Now if I could only convince my husband that he should go to the dentist too! With this site, we can start going to the dentist for regular check-ups, and stop avoiding good dental care simply because of cost.